I personally struggled with how to stop looking for a relationship for a long time.
How many times have you met someone and thought, “This is the one“? You’re convinced that this person is going to be your soulmate for life. They are perfect, and everything about them just seems so right.
But then they go their own way and leave you feeling heartbroken and miserable. The next thing you know, you find yourself looking at everyone with new eyes again because there’s always the chance that THIS could be it!
But why do we keep doing this? Why can’t we stop being desperate for a relationship?
In this article, I will share 20 great ways to stop looking for a relationship that worked for me.
Quick Answer: The best way I’ve ever found to stop looking for a relationship is to refocus on myself and my personal growth.
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20 Great Ways To Stop Looking for a Relationship
The following 20 strategies worked wonders for me as someone formerly obsessed with being in a relationship. I truly believe that they can also work for you.
1. Stop thinking about what you don’t have
One way to stop looking for a relationship is to stop thinking about what you don’t have and start thinking about what you do have in your life.
Essentially, you rewire your brain from a perspective of lack to a perspective of abundance. Abundance thinking has dramatically transformed my life over the past ten years.
It’s been especially helpful since my divorce several years ago. I’ve come to view relationships as a part of my life, and I no longer feel like I need one. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want one (I’m in a great relationship now).
The most common response from those who hear this news or read about it in my articles is that they want to know how I’ve arrived at this peaceful place in my life.
Here are a few simple ways to focus on what you have:
- Express gratitude that you are currently breathing.
- Express gratitude for your sense of hearing and taste. How incredibly blessed are you to have any of your senses?
- Meditate on everything you are thankful for in your life. Spend a few minutes every day practicing this reflection.
- Start a gratitude journal where you write down something you are thankful for every day. Re-read this journal anytime you find yourself thinking about what you don’t have in your life.
These simple techniques made all the difference for me.
Harvard Health research agrees, stating that gratitude is strongly correlated with greater happiness.
2. Learn to be alone without being lonely
Something clicked in my life when I learned the difference between being alone and being lonely. The first step is learning this difference. I realized that I am alone when I’m on my own. I become lonely when the consequence of being alone is feeling disconnected from other people or society in general.
This distinction has helped me to stop looking for a relationship because, while it’s true that relationships can be fulfilling and provide meaning in life, they are not necessary for happiness.
The loneliness that used to drive my incessant search for relationships was really a deep yearning for human connection.
You can fulfill that need with close friendships, family bonding, and reconnecting with yourself.
3. Discover the WHY behind your search
Another way to stop looking for a relationship is to uncover the reason for your search. Your motivation holds the key.
You need to find your WHY.
Learn the reason behind your search for a partner. You need to find it and then focus on that motivation instead of finding someone else. This is important because it will give you direction and a purpose.
You will also understand yourself better.
Fresh insight into what drives you helps you to set new priorities in your life and gives you the clarity to make sound decisions.
Once you know what motivates you, it will be easier for you to find something that is aligned with this motivation. You can then use that as a foundation for building a better relationship with yourself, your friends, and your family.
4. Meet the hidden need in a fresh way
Once you find your motivation, you can shift the way you meet your underlying need from seeking a relationship to something else.
For example, you might discover that you crave human touch or that you don’t want to feel lonely. You may desire more communication or the affirmation of your personal worth.
When you identify your hidden needs, you can then meet them in a fresh way.
Perhaps you forge new friendships or reconnect with current friendships to fill your need for companionship. You can affirm your own worth and surround yourself with a tribe of people who uplift you.
In other words, a romantic relationship is not the only way to meet your deep human needs for connection and intimacy.
5. Take care of yourself first
When you spend all of your time and energy looking for a new relationship, you are prioritizing the relationship over yourself.
Reshuffle your priorities to put yourself first.
Well, one way is to focus on yourself by doing things like going for walks, taking baths, getting a massage, reading books about self-improvement, or starting a new hobby.
Instead of looking externally for someone to take care of your emotional needs, you are doing it on your own. Each time you take action to place yourself first, you build a new pattern of self-empowerment.
6. Don’t be afraid to do things alone or with friends
You can still have a full and satisfying life without a romantic relationship.
Instead of giving up activities that you might do with a partner, you can do them by yourself or with friends. You can see movies, go for walks, even travel. It might seem strange at first, but you’ll get used to it in no time.
By continuing to engage in fun activities that you enjoy, you don’t feel deprived just because you are not in a romantic relationship. Plus, when you do eventually find a partner in the future, you will have so much more experience to share.
7. Focus on your goals
As you might have noticed, many of the strategies for how to stop looking for a relationship center on filling up your life.
It’s about abundance, not lack or desperation.
When you focus on your goals, you don’t focus on finding a relationship.
If you are looking for a relationship to fill the void, it’s not going to happen. In fact, being fixated on finding your soulmate is one of the quickest ways to sabotage any potential relationships that come along.
So, focus on your finances, travel, or personal development goals.
Focus on getting better at your job, learning new skills, or exploring new interests that fascinate you.
Currently, I’m focused on getting out of debt, saving money, and building multiple income streams for my future (and my family’s future). One of the ways I’m doing that is by creating a portfolio of websites. I struggled for many years to figure out how to do it, but in the last year, I’ve found two tools that helped me finally start making actual money.
One of my websites is now getting 20K pageviews per month and helping to pay my bills.
Here are the two tools I use everyday to make money:
- Passive Income Geek Program (Teaches you how to build simple websites and make passive income)
- Jasper (Advanced machine-learning artificial intelligence that writes content for you at the push of a button)
8. Focus on your mission
We all have a personal mission, a reason that drives us each day. When you concentrate your energy on your mission, you easily replace your focus on finding a relationship.
Whatever your mission is, give yourself completely to it.
How much of yourself have you given to your mission so far? How can you make this commitment even more intense?
Focus on your mission and how it will change the world for others. How will other people’s lives be better because of what you are doing right now, right here, right at this moment in time?
For example, my mission is to help others through my writing.
I do this on all of my websites, on Medium.com, and through my writing contracts. What’s funny is that, as soon as I quit my full-time 9 to 5 job to go full-time as a freelance writer, I found my soulmate.
9. Focus on your health
You can also focus on your health. Being physically healthy is essential to your personal happiness and fulfillment.
When you invest in your health, you invest in your future. Simple steps like healthy nutrition and exercise can make a huge difference in your energy, life satisfaction, and ability to enjoy activities.
After my divorce, I started working out and eating right.
Not only did it help me stop focusing so much on relationships, but I also felt better, slept better, and looked better than ever.
One of my favorite programs for getting into shape is BioFit. It’s a science-based process to shed pounds using breakthroughs in nutrition. I also love a great smile. If you want a smile that mesmerizes, check out Steel Bite Pro.
10. Process your feelings from past relationships
One of the reasons you might be fixated on your next relationship is because you haven’t fully closed the door on your last one.
Many of us have not processed all of our feelings from past partners. Feelings that linger can impact our ability to move on without a constant need for companionship. When you finally deal with unprocessed emotions, you’ll be able to move on from the past and explore your potential for a future.
Unprocessed feelings can prevent you from reaching that potential.
You can process your feelings by:
- Writing down your feelings
- Journaling your feelings over a period of time
- Drawing or sketching pictures of how you feel
- Writing a letter to your ex (you don’t actually need to send it)
- Talking about how you feel with close friends or family members
- Talking to a therapist
- Naming your feelings
- Allowing yourself to completely feel the past painful emotions
Once unprocessed, you’ll be able to release the past and embrace your future.
11. Stop dating for a while
This may sound silly, but choosing to stay single for a few months or longer can help you stop looking for new relationships.
You will be more present. How many times have you been on a date and thought about what might happen next, or someone else you were seeing, while your current date was trying to talk to you?
You may start feeling less desperate for love. How often do we get into relationships to feed our addiction to new relationship energy.
When you stop all dating, you stop feeding that craving. You replace it with a new focus on a fulfilling life and satisfying platonic relationships. You trade the stress of looking great for someone else with being great for yourself.
If you want to know how to stop looking for a relationship, cut dating out of your life for a while.
I recommend that you commit to at least three months. If you want to challenge yourself, go for six months or a year.
When you stop dating, you stop chasing relationships. Watch this video that explores this idea:
12. Delete your dating apps
Dating is all too easy with dating apps. To help you stop your search for a soulmate, delete all of the dating apps on your phone (and from any other device you might use).
Don’t worry, you can always download the apps again in the future.
The idea is to make looking for a new relationship harder, not easier. Delete those dating apps so that you can’t simply swipe your way into dates. This is a simple, practical approach that may make a bigger difference than you might think. It certainly did for me.
When I was on multiple dating apps, I always found myself feeling overwhelmed. I spent hours mindlessly swiping, reading dating profiles, and sending inane messages that went nowhere.
Occasionally, I would stop using dating apps altogether, and I inevitability felt much happier.
13. Raise your standards
When you raise your standards, you tell yourself that you deserve better. You also tell yourself that you are not looking for just any relationship, but only one that is perfect for you.
Just like deleting your dating apps, raising your standards is a simple way to make it harder to find a new relationship.
If you are looking for any type of relationship, you can find one anywhere. Seeking a great relationship is harder. It’s rarer to find a high-quality partner.
This is exactly what I did. I made a list of the traits of my ideal partner, then read that list every day until I imprinted the concepts into my mind. Without realizing it, I absorbed the list into my subconscious. I found myself searching for a partner less because most people did not meet my internal high standards.
14. Stop talking to people about your relationship status
What we talk about sticks in our minds. If you constantly talk about your relationship status with friends and family, you will likely find yourself obsessed with finding a new partner.
If you intentionally stop talking about your relationship status, you may just find that you think about new relationships less often, too.
This is because talking about your relationship status is a natural way to reinforce it in your mind.
For example, if you talk daily with friends or family members who are divorced and single, they will likely mention their new relationships at some point during the conversation. This brings up thoughts about how nice it would be to have someone special in your life.
You don’t have to avoid ever talking about relationships with anyone, but try to cut down on how much you bring up the subject. You may even want to limit time (temporarily) with single friends who seem obsessed with finding a partner.
15. Stop consuming content about romantic relationships
If you fill up your mind with ideas and stories about relationships, you will probably struggle with not looking for someone new. This is because your mind tends to focus on the information you consume the most.
If you fill yourself up with ideas and stories about anything else, then eventually that new subject will become the topic of your thoughts. The only way to escape this pattern is by not reading (or listening to) content related to romantic relationships.
It can feel very liberating to know how much control you have over your own thoughts.
16. Use affirmations
I use affirmations every day to lift my spirits, redirect my focus, and embrace tranquillity.
Affirmations are a powerful tool I use on a daily basis. I consciously practice self-love, peace, and wisdom with every affirmation I speak aloud or repeat silently in my mind.
Here are five simple affirmations for you to try:
- I give and receive love unconditionally
- Trust the process—everything happens for a reason.
- I am enough without anyone else in my life.
- Relationships are not the answer to all of my problems or desires.
- It is safe and healthy to be single, and it doesn’t make me unlovable just because I’m alone.
17. Practice Manifestation
When you manifest, you create your best life. Over the last three years, I’ve used manifestation to launch a full-time freelance business, make thousands of dollars, negotiate lucrative contracts, and enjoy amazing travel.
What kind of life will you create?
Many people overcomplicate manifestation. There are some simple steps you can take to practice manifestation in your life.
To start practicing manifestation in your life, you need to:
- Believe that the universe (or the spiritual being of your choice) will provide for you
- Get clear about what it is that you want (the more specific, the better)
- Write down what you want (or create a vision board with images of what you want)
- Take action when inspired. (How? When a thought or idea pops up, contemplate how quickly you can act on it. Do something now!)
If you want to learn the deepest secrets of true manifestation, check out BioEnergy.
18. Focus on creating incredible platonic relationships
Just because you stop looking for a partner doesn’t mean you stop creating incredible relationships.
Again, when you shift your energy to friendships, you fulfill that part of yourself that craves connection. You can spend time designing a tribe of friends that support you no matter what.
Great friendships are vital to lifetime happiness.
These same skills can be used in the future to develop a healthy, life-long partnership with the person of your dreams.
19. Spend quality time with friends and family
Isolation is often a trigger to desperation. We often seek partners because we fear being alone.
The way to combat isolation is to spend quality time with people you care about most—your friends and family. Quality time matters. How you spend your time can have a huge impact on how happy and satisfied you feel with life.
According to research from the APA, close relationships help us to be happy and healthy.
20. Stop expecting the perfect person to show up
I saved one of the best strategies for last.
How to stop looking for a relationship? Stop expecting a perfect person to magically appear in your life.
Even though you raised your standards earlier on this list, there is no such thing as the perfect person.
Expecting too much is just as detrimental to your goal of not looking for a relationship as having low standards. When you expect the perfect person, you constantly feel anxious about their arrival and upset when they, predictably, don’t show up.
Expecting perfection deludes you from reality.
When you raise your standards but embrace imperfection, you stop looking for a relationship (oddly, this is when many people find the love of their life).
Parting Thoughts on How to Stop Looking for a Relationship
The number one best way to stop looking for a relationship is to focus on yourself.
Refashion yourself into the amazing person that you are meant to be. Go all in to reach your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual potential. Focus on personal growth and your personal life mission.
Here are a few resources I highly recommend to help you: