As someone who dated during my separation and right after my divorce, I know from personal experience that dating someone going through a separation can be very challenging.
How do you successfully date a separated man?
You can successfully date a separated man by keeping the relationship casual until his divorce is final, encouraging him to find happiness in himself, not pressuring him to commit too soon, expecting unpredictability, clearly expressing your needs, and being a place of peace for him.
The rest of this article goes into more detail about how to actually apply all of these methods.
I highly encourage you to read all the way to the end.
There are some really cool small details that can make dating a separated man so much easier for you.
1) Expect The Relationship To Be Casual
Dating a separated man can be risky because you may not know if he will get back with his wife or not, and this uncertainty can drive you crazy.
If he does get back together with her, it’s possible that they could break up again in the future.
Even if he never gets back together with her, he’s unlikely to want (or be ready for) a serious relationship.
According to divorce statistics, approximately 70-80% of separations eventually lead to divorce.
That’s good news if you hope for a future relationship with the separated man you are dating. However, it also means that between 20-30% of separated men reconcile with their spouses.
Instead of setting yourself up to get hurt, keep your expectations for the relationship casual.
That way, you can focus on having fun without worrying too much about the future.
2) Clearly Express Your Expectations and Desires
Dating a separated man is a huge step, and while it can be exciting for some people, the lack of commitment might not be what you are looking for right now.
It’s important to know where you two stand. If he sees himself as single and unavailable for dating, sometimes it’s best to move on. If he’s over eager to commit, that’s also not a good sign.
Here are three reasons why it’s important to be clear about your expectations when dating a separated man:
- You avoid confusion and surprises
- You get your needs met
- You set the stage for a potential future (if you want one)
When you don’t let him know your expectations up front, then he is free to believe you are happy with a casual dating relationship. That can make it confusing for him if you say later that you’re unhappy.
More than anything, it might leave you feeling like he’s taking advantage of you.
On the other hand, when you express your expectations (and they are not unreasonable), you prevent many possible problems that might crop up later.
3) Don’t Pressure Him To Commit
It is okay to date a separated man casually, but when you want something more serious like exclusivity, then you can run into problems. I strongly encourage you not to pressure a separated man to commit.
Why? They are still legally in a marriage.
They might have been in the most serious relationship of their life for years (or decades).
They probably don’t want to jump right into something else that’s serious. Even if they do want it (or think they do), keep things casual until they are officially divorced.
After all, he may be waiting for his wife to change her mind and come back. You just never know.
Sometimes it takes time a while for a separated man to feel ready to date exclusively again. If you give him time and space, you might just have a chance at a future.
4) Expect Unpredictability
How do you successfully date a separated man? Expect massive unpredictability.
A man who is separated has lots of time to think and feel and do things that he might not do if he were not separated. You never really know what he’ll do or how much time he might spend with you.
It can be hard to figure out how his mind works, or where he is emotionally.
He’ll be all over the place and could change his mind about almost anything at the drop of a hat.
If you can’t deal with unpredictability, then you probably want to avoid dating a man who is separated. Almost nothing in his life is predictable. This is one of the reasons it’s important to keep things casual with men in this situation.
5) Expect Mood Swings
Dating a man who is separated can be hard.
Men have mood swings when they are separated. On any given day, you may not know if you will see the good side of him or the bad side of him.
He’ll likely be a hot mess.
He’ll be euphoric, then sad, then angry, then something else entirely. He’ll want to marry you, but then ghost you. He’ll be needy, then not call for days.
His mood swings are just another form of his unpredictability.
My recommendation? Don’t take his words too seriously or personally. Both what he says and what he does may change at any time.
His behavior has nothing to do with the type of woman you are or the quality of your relationship with him.
It’s simply a result of being in a constant state of transition.
It’s extremely important that you don’t take this personally because it isn’t about you. He is simply reacting to the changes in his life.
Extreme mood change is actually textbook behavior for someone going through a separation. The more you expect it, the better you’ll handle it when it happens.
6) Encourage Him To Focus On His Life Mission
You should encourage him to focus on his life mission because it will improve his mood and help him write a new chapter in his life.
It is important to encourage your separated man to focus on his mission as soon as possible after the separation because he can get caught up in depression or wallow in misery, which doesn’t provide a great environment for himself or others.
Encouraging him to work on his mission will fuel his life energy.
It will get him more excited, upbeat and positive about life. And it will also help give his thoughts a direction so he feels focused.
One of the biggest stressors people face when going through a separation and divorce is figuring out what to do with their lives now that they are “free.”
In fact, some men have said that separation was the best thing that ever happened to them.
They suddenly had more time and energy to focus on what they really wanted in life.
With their partner no longer there as a source of obligation, distraction, or nagging, these men felt liberated. And they used this liberation to design the life of their dreams.
When you encourage him to focus on his mission, you’re helping him find self-fulfillment and move forward.
As a bonus, he’ll also be much easier (and more fun) to date.
7) Encourage Him To Nurture His Friendships
Close friendships, especially male friendships, help with emotional stability and maturity.
His friends will help him to recover and move on from his separation. They will likely treat him like the person he was before the separation, which makes him feel like his life is not ruined.
They also provide a place for him to safely vent all those mood swings.
You don’t want to be the person he vents to because men don’t date their therapists.
If he spends all day and night venting to you, both of you will usually develop emotional attachments that might not be healthy for a couple. Feelings are not bad, but you want to keep your relationship friendly, fun, and casual until he is completely divorced.
8) Encourage Him To Explore Hobbies and Passions
You should encourage a separated man to explore his hobbies and passions because he will be happier with himself.
When a man becomes unhappy in his marriage or relationship, he begins to look at himself differently. Taking time out for hobbies and passions will give him a chance to rediscover who he is as an individual.
He may have forgotten who he was before he got married.
If and when you ever become serious with him (after his divorce is final), you want him to be happy as a single person. Otherwise, he may unintentionally use you as his source of fulfillment. And that’s a recipe for dating disaster.
9) Be His Peace
A separated man’s life is in turmoil.
The last thing he needs is more drama. So, be his peace. Be the quiet that is needed in his storm.
If you are with a man who is separated, be the gentle touch he needs to soothe him when he’s upset. Listen to him, support him, encourage him, and avoid any drama.
No man wants drama.
If you want to attract higher-quality men, be a place of peace and calmness.
Bringing drama is one of the quickest ways to repel a guy, especially a man whose life is already swirling out of control with drama.
10) Meet His Biggest Hidden Need
Every single man on the planet possesses a hidden need that drives him. If you tap into this need and fulfill it, he will want you in his life.
Most men secretly crave this hidden need without even knowing it.
But it’s very real, and it could be the reason he finally divorces his wife and ends up with you. It really is that powerful.
What’s this hidden need?
Every man’s hidden need is to feel like a hero. He wants to be viewed as the strong protector, a place of safety and masculine strength. He wants to feel needed. If you make him feel like this, he might just get obsessed with you.
How do you do this?
- You tell him
- You show him
- You give him opportunities to play this role in your life
There’s no way I could cover this topic in one article.
Lucky for you, there’s an entire program that teaches you, step by step, exactly how to do it.
The program is called His Secret Obsession.
How To Make a Separated Man Fall in Love With You
Meeting his biggest hidden need is not the only way to make a separated man fall madly in love with you. In fact, there are many ways to do it, if you know the right methods.
Applying the 10 strategies outlined in this article is a great place to start.
You’ll be heads above other women if you honestly and authentically practice these principles.
If you want an even bigger advantage, I’m going to share with you a few cool tips based on science:
- Keep your dates warm—published research studies link warm body temperature with interpersonal bonding. So go to warm environments, drink warm beverages, and surround yourself with hotter temperatures when you plan your dates.
- Be open with him—studies also suggest that disclosing personal information about yourself, especially something negative or that shows vulnerability, creates deeper bonding.
- Arouse him—Go on dates in low lighting or that induce some excitement, such as laser tag or roller coasters. Research shows that these experiences not only increase the size of your pupils—a sign of attraction—they also mimic sexual arousal in our bodies.
- Ask these questions—Sit quietly with them, look into their eyes, and ask the 36 questions that make them fall in love (Don’t call it this, of course. Just say that you want to do a fun activity together).
- Keep some mystery—Be available, but not TOO available. Some mystery is good for building intense attraction in others. Let him know you like him, but don’t smother him.
How To Date a Newly Separated Man
This is a tricky one.
They just got out of a very painful part of their life. Entering the dating pool could feel too vulnerable, and many men do not want to become involved in any sort of romantic relationship for a long time.
Everything we’ve talked about in this article applies—multiplied tenfold. His unpredictability and mood swings will be exaggerated at the beginning. He will need more time, space, and understanding.
On the one hand, it can be tempting to swoop in and provide comfort and support.
In most cases (unless you’re their therapist or family member) this will lead to disaster. The reason why is because they’re just starting a new process of getting out of emotional trauma, and their mind isn’t ready for any kind of romantic involvement yet, much less serious conversations with someone new.
It’s best to concentrate on being casual at first and see how things progress.
Know that he might not be interested in venting about his ex-wife right away either. Resist the urge to pressure him to commit, let him come to you at his own pace, and keep your it casual until he gives you more ground personally.
Then, continue to take the relationship one step at a time until he is officially divorced.
Check out this 6-minute video on dating a separated man and keeping things very casual:
Final Thoughts: How Do You Successfully Date a Separated Man?
Dating someone who is separated will have some challenges, but there are a few things you can do to be successful.
You can absolutely make it work with a little understanding and the right dating strategies. You can also protect your heart if things go south.
Hopefully, this article helps you make it work beautifully!
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