Do you keep texting after a scheduled date?
You do not keep texting after a scheduled date. If you do, there is no mystery and uncertainty. This can lead to less attraction as opposed to more attraction. The more that you text, the higher chance that you might say something that persuades the other person to break the date.
Why You Shouldn’t Keep Texting After a Scheduled Date (7 Great Reasons)
In this section, I’m going to share with you why texting after a scheduled date can lead to disaster. There are some differences in when and how often I suggest men and women text each other.
We’ll dive into those specifics along the way.
Here are seven great reasons you shouldn’t keep texting after you have scheduled a date:
Reason 1: You’re texting for validation
You will look too eager and could make the other person wonder if they should cancel or not. If you’re texting a ton right away, it shows that you’re desperate and needy—which is something nobody wants in a partner!
Desperation and over-eagerness (being thirsty) usually lower the other person’s attraction to you.
This is particularly true of men. Most of the time, texting too much will lower a woman’s attraction to a man. And I don’t need to tell you how lowered attraction can kill chemistry before it has a chance to blossom on the date.
The same thing doesn’t normally happen if a woman texts a few times. But, if a woman constantly texts before the date, she will look desperate, too. Many people will feel turned off by this behavior.
Reason 2: You lose mystery
Texting a lot will take the mystery out of dating.
The reason texting can be so fun is that it’s new and exciting. If you’re texting too much, your date won’t feel as excited about talking to you anymore.
That’s because mystery makes both men and women more enticing to each other. Mystery is a piece of the attraction puzzle. When we first start talking to someone new, we feel curious about them.
By texting too much before the date, we kill this mystery.
Reason 3: You remove uncertainty
Texting too much removes uncertainty. If you don’t want to show how eager you are, texting is the wrong way to do it.
Research proves that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.
If you keep texting after you schedule a date, then you remove uncertainty. Therefore, attraction for you lowers.
I should mention that the research did not apply the same to women. A man’s attraction to a woman was not affected by her expressing her interest. Once again, if a woman texts constantly, that is still going to negatively impact his opinion of her.
Reason 4: Texting too much shows that you are always available
Texting after setting up a date can lead to confusion about your availability. When you are always available, you show that you don’t have anything else going on with your life.
High-quality men and women are usually busy.
This is especially true in the beginning, when you first start talking, messaging, and dating. You don’t want the other person to think that your life revolves around them. Keep yourself authentically busy with work, friends, side hustles, and goals.
Reason 5: You run out of things to say
Texting too much before the date can make it awkward on the day of the date. You already know all about the person.
It’s sometimes difficult to come up with enough conversational topics without having covered so much territory before the date. Save getting to know you for when you see the other person face to face.
Texting is for logistics (aka, setting the date, rescheduling, etc.)
Reason 6: Texting creates unrealistic expectations
When you text a lot after a scheduled date, you create an expectation for the other person.
Now they anticipate that you will text them constantly. If you stop, they will wonder what happened. They may think that you lost interest.
Similarly, if you started a new job where your boss gave you a $100 bonus every week for the first month, then suddenly stopped without explanation. You may feel slighted, confused, and even angry.
Even if your boss never promised to give you a bonus forever, the continuous bonuses set up an expectation in your mind.
The same kind of thing happens when you keep texting after scheduled dates. You create an expectation that is hard (or impossible) to sustain long term. It’s better to text less and more consistently over time.
Personally, I’ve tried both methods (texting a lot and texting a little or not at all).
Every single time, the dates went much better the less I texted. This has also been true for the vast majority of the 1.5k men in my private Facebook group about dating.
This doesn’t seem to matter as much when women text men (a few times) before the date. Still, I think it’s best for both men and women to save “getting to know you” and deeper conversations for in-person rather than by text or phone call. This appears to bring the very best results for everyone.
Reasons 7: Texting forces the other person to respond
Every time you text, the other person may feel pressured to respond. This means he or she has to reply or risk looking rude or uninterested.
High-value partners—men or women—tend to stay busy with work, friends, hobbies, and their own independent lives.
Expecting them to constantly stop what they are doing to reply is probably not going to make them like you more. If you want to keep a quality partner engaged, don’t engage them too often before the two of you become exclusive.
In the beginning stages of dating, it’s best to text less.
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How Much Should You Text Before the First Date?
What about before a first date? Do you keep texting after a scheduled date?
I highly recommend not texting at all between setting up the date and the date itself. This approach may seem counterintuitive (it felt wrong to me at first) but I’ve witnessed how well it works over and over again.
I would do this for any dates scheduled up to a week in advance.
This will give him or her time to miss you, wonder about your interest, and anticipate the date. All things that will help you raise the other person’s attraction to you.
The longer you’re apart, the more they’ll think about you. Don’t flood them with a bunch of texts or calls. This predictably lowers attraction. Give them time to miss you and think about you before the date.
To avoid confusion, I usually set up texting expectations as soon as I make a date.
After you schedule a date, you can say something like, “If anything comes up, I’ll let you know, but nothing should come up. Otherwise, I’ll see you at (location) on (date) at (time).”
This simple addition to the conversation can really help.
Should You Text To Confirm Your Date?
I don’t recommend texting to confirm your date. If you have already scheduled a date and agreed to meet, then texting to confirm might send the wrong message.
Texting to confirm can send the following messages:
- You are afraid
- You feel insecure
- You often get stood up
You might be thinking, I don’t want my date to forget about me.
While that’s an understandable desire, mature adults will keep their commitments. If the other person is attracted or interested enough, they will not forget. They will show up for the date.
Or, if they need to cancel, they will text to reschedule and offer alternate times.
In a way, not texting to confirm is a way to gauge the other person’s level of interest. Not texting to confirm also demonstrates you’re own confidence, experience, and dating savvy.
What If He/She Texts Me First?
If the other person texts you first, you should respond to them.
Not responding would be rude. Just keep your responses friendly and brief. It’s easy to get sucked into long conversations that more often lower attraction than raise it.
Try to avoid texting back and forth more than a few times. After a friendly response, say something like, “It’s really great to hear from you. I’m excited about our date. Right now I need to get back to (work/studies/etc). See you on (day of your date)!”
This kind of short and sweet message accomplishes a few things:
- You show respect and interest.
- You let the other person know you haven’t forgotten about your upcoming date.
- You demonstrate that you are a busy person with stuff going on in your life (it’s best if this is an accurate reflection of your life).
- You end the conversation without any expectation of more texting before the date.
Some people LOVE to text, so they may text you again before the date. I repeat this method again and again by sending a quick reply and then saying that I need to go. Of course, you can’t use the same excuse every time.
Mix it up, keep it honest, and save conversations for the date.
By the way, I learned this approach from my favorite dating coach for men, Corey Wayne, who wrote my favorite dating book for men, How To Be a 3% Man.
Here’s an awesome video from Corey Wayne where he talks about texting between dates:
Should You Text If You Get Stood Up?
Texting someone who just stood you up might feel good (to vent), but I suggest that you don’t text the other person at all.
Unless they had an emergency (like a car accident), there are very few reasons why someone couldn’t shoot a short apology text with a request to reschedule the date. When someone stands you up, it’s usually a sign of low attraction and interest.
Therefore, I see no reason to contact them at all.
Personally, unless there was a very good and verifiable excuse, I wouldn’t ever talk to the other person again. I only go on dates with people who respect me and my time. I think this is a mature approach to dating. You don’t have to be rude to assertively expect other people to respect you.
You deserve someone with high interest and attraction for you.
While getting stood up sucks (don’t I know it), it is usually a clear signal to give your time and attention to someone else. There are plenty of other people in the world who are so interested and attracted to you that they would never stand you up.
Should You Ever Text After You Schedule a Date?
There are a few exceptions for when I think you should text after you schedule a date.
Those exceptions are:
- If the other person texts you first
- If the date is far away
- In a long-distance relationship
- Special occasions
We’ve already talked about responding when the other person texts you first. So, let’s briefly touch on the other three reasons.
If you scheduled a date far away from you, I would recommend texting a few hours before the date to confirm.
That way, you don’t drive 50 miles only to get stood up. Sending a short text like, “Looking forward to seeing you at (time)” is enough to confirm. Wait for their reply. If you don’t hear from them in an hour, you might try to call them to confirm.
They might not have seen your text. If you still don’t reach them, don’t go.
In long-distance relationships (or when you only see the other person once a month), then a few texts over a few weeks is one way to stay in touch. However, I would recommend that you set up a virtual date instead.
Just schedule the date like normal.
The difference is that the date is by video call. You can make dinner, have drinks, watch a movie, play a board game, or go on a walk.
The ideas are endless. After you schedule a video date, don’t text before the date. This is a creative way to keep connected to the other person between in-person dates without too much texting.
You might also want to text on special occasions. For example, if you happen to know it’s the other person’s birthday.
Final Thoughts: Do You Keep Texting After a Scheduled Date?
The bottom line is that the more you text between dates, the more likely you will lower the other person’s attraction for you.
So, keep texting to a minimum before and between dates.
I suggest you take this approach for the first few months of dating someone.
It’s likely that the other person will eventually start reaching out to you between dates. Over the weeks and months, they will probably reach out more and more. This is very natural.
The longer you date, the more you will text each other.
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