Dating American Men: 21 Things You Need To Know

For many women and men around the world, dating a rich and attractive American man is on the top of their to-do list.

What do you need to know about dating American men?

When dating American men, you need to know their expectations for you and the relationship, how they view male and female roles, and American standards of beauty. You also need to know how to make an American man fall in love with you and how to avoid common American boyfriend problems.

This article will give you insight into what it’s like to date American men and what they really want from foreign women.

21 Things You Need To Know When Dating American Men

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Man in black American flag Hat—Dating American Men
Image by the Author via Canva—Dating American Men

There are 21 things you need to know about dating American men.

As someone who taught evidence-based relationship skills for 13 years around the United States, I’ve picked up a thing or two about guys in America.

Plus, I am an American man.

Here are 21 things you should know when talking to, dating, or getting serious with an American man.

1) Know What You Want 

If you’re like most people, you probably picture an American man as someone who is tall, muscular, and white.

However, the reality is that there are a lot of different kinds of American men.

American men range from passive to dominant, nerdy to athletic, and beyond.

In fact, America is one of the most ethnically diverse countries in the world. There are men of all shapes, sizes, and skin tones. And while some American men may fit the stereotype, many others challenge it.

Because of this vast diversity, it’s important to know exactly what type of American guy you want to date.

2) American Men Date Multiple People

It’s common for American men to casually date several people at the same time.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be confusing for women who are looking for a more committed relationship.

In other cultures, men are more likely to focus on one woman at a time.

This may be because they’re less likely to want to “play the field” and more interested in finding a long-term partner as quickly as possible.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and some American men do commit to one woman early on.

But, in general, it’s important to be aware that men in the United States tend to take a more relaxed approach to dating.

Note: This is especially true for American guys who are rich, tall, famous, and good-looking.

The richer, taller, and more attractive guys get lots of attention from women so most do not settle down until they reach their 30s, 40s, or 50s.

3) American Men Value Youth & Beauty

Ironically, when it comes to dating in America, a woman’s age and traditional attractiveness play a major role in determining their relative value on the dating market.

This is unfair but it is also true.

American men are known for their love of beauty and youth, and this is reflected in their dating preferences.

Studies have shown that when it comes to selecting a partner, American men place a great emphasis on physical appearance. This means that if you’re an older woman or not conventionally attractive, you may have a harder time finding a date with an American man.

However, it’s important to remember that there are plenty of other countries with different beauty standards.

4) American Men Value Peace

If you’re looking to attract an American man, focus on being calm and collected.

Show him that you’re someone he can rely on to create a peaceful environment. When the world around us is constantly in turmoil, it’s more important than ever to find someone who can help us find inner peace.

American men know this, and that’s why we’re drawn to women who embody these qualities.

I can’t overemphasize this concept: if you want to make an American man fall in love with you, focus on being the peacekeeper in his life.

5) Make Them Wait For Physical Intimacy

For many American men, the idea of casual dating is more appealing than a committed relationship.

As a result, they often put less value on a woman who is willing to give up her body quickly. On the other hand, men looking for a serious relationship tend to value women who make them wait.

These men see waiting as a sign that the woman is confident and values herself.

Therefore, if you want to attract an American man who is looking for a committed relationship, it is best to make him wait for at least a few dates.

This will help to increase your value in his eyes and scare away the men who aren’t interested in anything serious.

6) Don’t Be Aggressive or Dominate

In a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency, many American men are turned off by women who are too aggressive or who try to dominate them.

Instead, they prefer women who are more cooperative and willing to let the man take the lead.

While this may be frustrating for some women, it’s important to understand that these preferences are deeply rooted in our culture and are not likely to change anytime soon.

If you’re looking for a lasting relationship with an American man, your best bet is to focus on being feminine and accommodating.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should be a doormat—just be aware of the cultural norms and adjust your behavior accordingly. With a little understanding and patience, you’ll find that American men can be great partners.

7) Talk About Your Expectations Early

When you first start dating an American man, it can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of the new relationship and put your partner on a pedestal.

You may be eager to please them and make them happy.

But it’s important to remember that you are an individual with your own needs and wants. It’s crucial to express your expectations and set boundaries early in an exclusive relationship before things get too serious.

This will help ensure that both you and your American partner are on the same page.

Also, it will make certain that your relationship is built on a foundation of mutual respect. If you wait too long to express your needs, you may end up feeling resentful and taken for granted.

Nobody wants that.

8) Don’t Assume You Are Dating Unless You Define It

Don’t assume that you’re in a relationship unless you’ve had the “talk.”

In other words, don’t assume that just because you’ve been on a few dates or even if you’ve been sleeping together, that means you’re exclusive.

American men are often more casual about dating and can sometimes be slower to commit to a relationship.

Even if he seems like he’s really into you, it’s important to have a discussion about where things are going. Otherwise, you could end up getting hurt down the road.

Until you’ve both agreed on dating labels, don’t jump to any romantic conclusions.

9) Many Believe in Equality

If you’re dating an American man, you may be surprised by the attitudes he has about gender equality.

In many cultures, men and women are not seen as equal partners in a relationship, but American men typically believe in equality.

This means that American men are more likely to split household chores and take on an equal share of parenting responsibilities. They also generally believe that both partners should have the same rights and opportunities in the relationship.

American men possess a deep respect for individual rights and freedoms.

10) Unless They Are Very Rich, They Will Want You To Pay Sometimes

In many cultures, it’s customary for the man to pick up the tab on all dates.

However, in America, things are a bit more egalitarian. Unless they are very wealthy, most American men will expect that you will contribute financially to your dating relationship at some point.

This doesn’t mean that they don’t want to treat you.

Instead, it’s simply a recognition that women are independent individuals who are perfectly capable of paying their own way.

Here’s what to expect:

  • American men to pay for the first few dates (at least)
  • American men to watch to see if you offer to pay for anything
  • American men to expect you to contribute financially in a committed and exclusive relationship

Men in the United States genuinely appreciate when women offer to pay, and it can be seen as a gesture of goodwill.

Ultimately, however, the decision of who pays should be based on the financial situation of each individual and their comfort level with paying.

11) They Like Everything Big

American men love all things big.

Whether it’s a huge truck that takes up two parking spaces or a six-figure salary, there seems to be an obsession with size.

And it’s not just material possessions—even facial hair has become a source of competition, with big beards becoming increasingly popular.

But why are American men so fixated on the idea of “bigger is better”?

One theory is that it’s a way of compensating for feelings of insecurity. With the average man’s salary and height falling short of the “ideal,” it’s no wonder that many men feel the need to overcompensate in other areas.

No matter the reason, get used to your American boyfriend wanting big things.

12) They Are Competitive (Especially with Other Men)

American men are competitive with each other.

This is important when dating American men because it ensures that the strongest and most successful men are the ones who win the hearts of the women they desire.

American men are driven to be the best, and they know that in order to be successful, they need to be competitive with other men.

This competitiveness drives almost everything they do, including their dating life.

This is what competitiveness means for your dating relationship:

  • American men will want the best girlfriends (attractive, peace-giving, friendly, faithful, etc)
  • American men will want to spoil you more than other men

This doesn’t mean that you will receive lavish gifts all the time. However, American men will want to out-romanticize and out-spoil you compared to how their guy friends treat their girlfriends.

13) They Are Sports Enthusiasts

If you’re dating an American guy, chances are he’s a sports fan.

It’s just part of the culture. And while you may not be a sports fan yourself, it’s important to at least be able to support his love of sports. Otherwise, you’re likely to get lost in all the talk about teams, players, stats, and games.

And trust me, you don’t want that.

American men love to talk about sports, so it’s important that you at least try to be interested in what they’re saying.

Even if you don’t understand a word of it, just nod your head and smile.

That’s all they really want. And if you can do that, then you’ll fit right in with the majority of the American male population.

14) They Possess Entitled Egos

American men often have entitled egos.

In dating, this means that they will want the relationship (and life) to go their way most of the time. If things don’t go their way, then your American guy may get angry or withdraw from the relationship.

Not all American men are like this but living in America gives most of us a sense of subconscious entitlement.

Many US men grow accustomed to feeling safe, protected, free, and wealthy.

This can sometimes make them take their privileges for granted. They may even begin to feel that they deserve certain things, even from their romantic partners.

15) They Are Not Emotional

Unlike some other cultures, American men do not express their feelings very often.

American men grow up in a society that downplays and dismisses male emotion.

Therefore, we learn from an early age to bottle up our emotions and not express them.

This can lead to misunderstandings in our relationships because our partners may think we don’t care about them when we don’t express our feelings.

We may also have trouble communicating what we are thinking and feeling because we are not used to talking about our emotions.

16) Might Be Lazy Compared to Other Cultures

Certain cultures around the world become known for a hard-work ethic.

While American men certainly work hard, compared to other cultures, we may sometimes seem lazy.

This is because we often value our leisure time and personal space more than other cultures. In dating, this can sometimes manifest itself in a lack of effort.

For example, an American man may not call as often or put as much effort into the relationship as his foreign counterparts.

17) Independence and Choices

One thing you need to know about dating American men is that we cherish our independence.

We guard our freedom of choice.

Many women around the world complain about our lack of commitment.

To be sure, not all American men don’t want to commit. However, many of us hesitate to give up any of our freedoms. This can frustrate the women in our lives.

If you give your man space to choose you, show him effort, and demonstrate that will bring peace to his life, he will be more likely to commit.

18) Family Isn’t As Important (But It Is Still Important)

In American culture, work often trumps family.

Many families live states apart due to personal preferences, goals, and career choices.

Some cultures prioritize family above almost anything else. American men are less likely to feel obligated to meet family obligations, including those centered around dating.

19) Work Focused

American men often prioritize work and career above almost everything else in their lives.

This can (and does) interfere with our relationships.

We may not give as much time to our partners as we or they would like.

It can also mean that we are always thinking about work and may not be as present in the relationship as we could be.

20) They Will Have Expendable Money

One of the common misrepresentations about American men is that we are all rich guys living in castles and driving expensive sports cars.

However, the truth is that American men live very different lives.

Some of us are super-wealthy, some of us are poor, and most of us exist somewhere between on the scale of finances.

Still, the majority of American men you meet and date will have expendable income.

This comes in handy when paying for dates, traveling, and buying gifts.

21) Don’t Try To Control or Micromanage Them

As I’ve mentioned several times, American men love our freedom.

One of the quickest ways to derail a relationship with an American guy is to try to control or micromanage us.

I highly suggest that you don’t:

  • Go through his phone without permission
  • Demand regular updates on his whereabouts (without reason)
  • Tell him what to wear or how to style his hair
  • Try to control who he hangs out with

American men will quickly get turned off by a woman who is trying to control them.

Here’s a good video on what it’s like to date an American guy:

YouTube video by With Olivia—Dating American Men

What Do American Guys Look for in a Girl?

American men look for 20 predictable traits in a girl they want to date and marry.

If you can embody these traits, you can get an American man to date you and fall in love with you.

Here is a good list of what American guys look for in dating:

  1. A woman with a good sense of humor
  2. A woman who is intelligent
  3. A woman who is attractive
  4. A woman who has a good personality
  5. A woman who is kind and caring
  6. A woman who is loyal and faithful
  7. A woman who makes him feel like a man
  8. A woman who is a good listener
  9. A woman who is supportive
  10. A woman who is a good friend
  11. A woman who is easy to talk to
  12. A woman who brings peace (not drama) into his life
  13. A woman who is interested in the same things as he is
  14. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin
  15. A woman who is confident
  16. A woman who is independent
  17. A woman who is spontaneous
  18. A woman who is down to earth
  19. A woman who is adventurous
  20. A woman who loves life and enjoys it to the fullest

Types of American Men

In America, you will find three main types of guys: Nice guys, bad boys, and 3% men.

Nice Guys

Nice guys are the ones who will always open the door for you, bring you flowers, and shower you with compliments. They seem like the perfect gentlemen at first, but after a while, you may start to find them a bit too clingy and desperate.

Nice guys often pursue women too much and are always agreeable – they rarely have their own opinions.

While they may treat you well, you may not be as attracted to them.

Bad Boys

Bad boys are the guys who are always breaking the rules and getting into trouble. They’re exciting and fun to be around, but they often don’t treat women well.

Bad boys never want to commit—they just want to have fun. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you should avoid the bad boys.

3% Men

I borrowed the term “3% men” from Coach Corey Wayne, my favorite relationship coach for men.

Here are a few things to know about 3% men:

  • They strike a balance of calm confidence mixed with kindness.
  • They’re not afraid to stand up for themselves, but they also know how to treat a woman right.
  • They won’t placate you or agree with everything you say, but they will treat you with respect.

If you’re looking for a healthy and happy relationship with an American man, I recommend avoiding the so-called nice guys and the bad boys and going for a 3% man.

Dating American Guys Online

Dating American men online can be a unique experience.

While some men may be quite traditional and old-fashioned, others can be more progressive and open-minded.

It really depends on the individual man.

However, there are some general things that you can expect when dating an American man online.

One thing you may notice is that American men tend to not communicate as much as men from other cultures. They may not call or text as often as you like.

This can lead prove especially problematic in online relationships that thrive off constant communication. Be patient. Your American man is probably just busy. Rest assured, he likely is thinking about you and looking forward to your next interaction.

Another thing to keep in mind is that most American men tend to struggle with matches when online dating.

Unless a man is extremely tall and attractive, most of us get few matches.

Even fewer women respond to our messages even when we match. It can feel defeating for many men.

Some give up on online dating altogether.

Therefore, if you want to stand out when dating American men online, do these three things:

  • Match quickly
  • Respond quickly to his messages
  • Meet up in person as soon as possible (if you live nearby)

If you don’t live close by, then transition from the dating app to video calls and texting. This will be a breath of fresh air for American guys.

Best Online Sites For Dating American Men

If you’re looking to date American men, I’ve compiled some of the best online sites.

Here are my personal favorite sites for dating American men:

Dating SitePrice Range (Free-$$$)Learn More
eHarmony$$Learn more
ChristianMingle$$Learn more
TinderFreeLearn more
Dating Sites

Here are a few other options for international dating:

  • Elitesingles
  • Loveawake
  • Rosebrides

Final Thoughts: Dating American Men

Dating American men can be quite an adventure.

If you snag yourself an American man, check out the recommended articles below to learn how to keep him.

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Pew Research (Research Article)