I struggled with jealousy for years and it consistently destroyed attraction in my relationships.
Is being jealous a turn off?
Being jealous is a turn-off in a relationship or friendship. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, low self-worth, and emotional immaturity. Jealousy means that a person does not trust others and may want to control them. Jealousy can push both romantic partners and friends away.
In this article, you’ll learn everything you need to know about why jealousy turns off guys and girls.
7 Reasons Jealousy Is a Turn Off
There are at least seven reasons that jealousy is a major turn-off in relationships.
Let’s go through each reason so that you know exactly why jealousy is a turn-off for so many people.
Jealousy is a turnoff in relationships because:
- It’s a sign of insecurity.
- It indicates a lack of trust.
- It’s often accompanied by possessiveness.
- It can lead to controlling behavior.
- It can result in unreasonable demands or expectations.
- It can be the cause of arguments and conflict.
- Ultimately, it can destroy a relationship.
1) Jealousy Is Insecurity in Disguise
Jealousy is a complex emotion that can often be a sign of underlying insecurity and self-esteem issues.
When we feel jealous, it means we are afraid of losing something or someone we value. We may feel threatened by a rival who seems to be better than us in some way, or we may fear that our partner will leave us for someone else.
Jealousy is often unattractive to others because it indicates a lack of confidence and self-esteem.
If we are constantly jealous of others, it shows that we don’t believe in our own worthiness. This can be off-putting to potential friends and partners, who may prefer to associate with people who are more secure in themselves.
2) Jealousy Indicates Emotional Immaturity
Jealousy is often seen as a sign of emotional immaturity.
When someone is unable to control their jealous feelings, it can be a sign that they are not yet ready to handle the complexities of a mature relationship.
Jealousy can cause people to act in irrational and childlike ways, which can easily damage relationships.
Being able to remain centered and emotionally balanced is a hallmark of a healthy and mature character. Not properly regulating your emotions makes you unpredictable.
And that’s why being jealous can be a turn-off.
3) Jealousy Is a Sign That You Don’t Trust Your Partner
Jealousy is often seen as a sign of passionate love.
But, in reality, jealousy is usually a sign that you don’t trust your partner. And that’s not attractive. Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship.
If you can’t trust your partner, the relationship will never be able to reach its full potential.
You may be afraid that your partner will leave you for someone else, or that they will cheat on you. These fears may be baseless, but they can still cause a lot of pain and conflict in a relationship.
Few people want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t trust them.
4) Jealousy Can Lead To Controlling Behavior
When one partner is feeling jealous, they may start to display controlling behaviors in an attempt to quell their fear of abandonment or infidelity.
These behaviors can range from small things, like checking their partner’s phone or email, to larger acts of control, like dictating who their partner can talk to or where they can go.
While these behaviors may seem like they’re coming from a place of love, they’re actually rooted in relationship-destroying fear.
Control usually has the opposite effect of what we intended.
Instead of making the relationship stronger, they often serve to drive a wedge between partners and create an atmosphere of mistrust and suspicion.
In my personal experience, relationships thrive when both people feel free.
5) Jealousy Breeds Resentments
Resentment is an emotion that arises when we feel that we have been wronged or treated unfairly.
If you are constantly jealous of your partner, you may start to accuse them of things that they haven’t even done. This can lead to arguments and tension in the relationship.
Additionally, when you are always suspicious of your partner, it can make them feel like they are not trusted and that they have to constantly prove themselves to you.
This can be exhausting for both parties involved and can eventually lead to the deterioration of the relationship.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
6) Jealousy Can Be Clingy and Suffocating
One of the biggest turn-offs of jealousy is that it can make us clingy.
When we never give our partners any space, they can feel suffocated. We might always want to be with them and never let them go out alone.
You might also need constant validation that your partner loves and desires you.
I probably don’t need to tell you how exhausting this can feel to your partner. They might quickly tire of your behavior and needs.
That’s another reason that jealousy is a turn-off.
7) Jealousy Lowers Your Dating Market Value
When we’re jealous, we’re effectively telling our partners that we think they’ll choose others over us.
This kind of insecurity can be a major turn-off, making us seem needy and unattractive. Furthermore, when we’re focused on jealousy, we’re not able to see ourselves objectively.
We believe in our own low valuation of ourselves.
Jealousy sends the unfortunate message that we don’t think we’re good enough for our partners and that they are out of our league.
Eventually, they may have no other choice but to agree.
Here is a good video about why you should never show jealousy in a relationship:
Is Being Jealous a Turn Off In a Friendship?
Yes, being jealous is a turn-off in a friendship for many reasons.
For one, it can indicate that you don’t trust your friend. This lack of trust can damage the friendship, as your friend may feel like they can’t confide in you or be honest with you.
Additionally, jealousy can lead to possessiveness and controlling behavior in your friendship.
This can make your friend feel suffocated and uncomfortable. Ultimately, they might pull away from the friendship. Finally, jealousy often manifests as envy, and nobody wants to be friends with someone who is constantly jealous and envious of them.
Read: Jealousy in Friendships: 7 Reasons It’s Completely Normal
Is Jealousy Ever Attractive?
A little jealousy is normal in any relationship.
After all, it’s only natural to want to protect your emotional security. And in some cases, a little jealousy can even be considered cute.
For example, if your partner gets a bit jealous when you talk to an attractive stranger, it might just mean that they’re really into you and confident enough in your relationship to show it.
However, full-on jealousy is never attractive.
If someone is constantly monitoring your every move, accusing you of cheating, or trying to control who you talk to, it’s a major red flag.
This kind of behavior indicates that the person is insecure and lacks trust.
It’s also a sign that they’re not comfortable with themselves or confident in their own ability to keep your love and attention.
On the other hand, if someone is really attracted to serious jealousy, that means they are not a healthy person.
What Causes Jealousy in Relationships?
Jealousy is a normal emotion that can crop up in any relationship.
Here are some of the most common triggers:
- Insecurity—One of the most common reasons for feeling jealous is insecurity. When we feel insecure in our relationship, we may start to wonder if our partner still loves us or if they are attracted to someone else. These worries can quickly spiral into jealousy.
- Lack of trust—Trust is essential for a healthy relationship. When there is a lack of trust, it can be very easy to start feeling jealous of your partner. If you don’t trust your partner, it may be time to sit down and talk about the issue.
- Comparing yourself to others—It’s easy to compare ourselves to others and think that we’re not good enough for our partner.
- Possessiveness—Possessiveness is another common trigger for jealousy. When we’re feeling possessive, we may start to feel like our partners will leave us. Our fear of loss drives our jealousy.
- Abandonment—If we have ever felt abandoned in the past, we may struggle with abandonment in our current romantic relationships. Childhood abandonment can leave lasting marks on our emotional patterns.
It’s helpful to fully understand the root causes of our jealousy.
I am a big advocate of getting professional help from a licensed counselor or therapist. I’ve been through therapy several times in my life and it’s always been extremely growthful.
Why Is Insecurity a Turn-Off?
There are a few reasons why insecurity is such a turn-off.
First, it’s contagious. When someone is insecure, they tend to project those feelings onto other people.
Second, insecurity is often based on irrational beliefs.
If someone is constantly doubting themselves, it’s because they’re not seeing the whole picture. They’re only focused on their own shortcomings and they’re forgetting about all of their positive qualities.
Negativity can really drain your energy resources.
Third, insecure people are usually pretty difficult to be around. They’re always second-guessing themselves and their decisions, which can make them pretty needy and high maintenance.
Unrestrained insecurity can definitely kill a relationship.
How To Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship
If you find yourself feeling jealous frequently, there are a few things you can do.
- Explore the roots of your insecurity
- Learn and practice emotional intelligence skills
- Accept that you can not control what someone else does
- Acknowledge that jealousy is a waste of time
- Set clear and fair boundaries in relationships
- Trust your partner
It may be worth exploring the root causes of your insecurity.
Only when we understand and address our own issues can we hope to create healthy, supportive relationships with others.
Practice recognizing and expressing your emotions so that you can stay centered and calm, no matter what. That will help you in your personal and professional life.
Accepting that you can not control others helps you be at peace with your own life.
Also, remind yourself that jealousy does not help you or your relationship in any way. It can only make you feel bad and look less desirable to the person with whom you hope to maintain a relationship.
Final Thoughts: Is Being Jealous a Turn Off?
The bottom line is that jealousy is a turn-off in pretty much every type of relationship.
That’s true in romantic, platonic, and even work relationships.
Next reads:
- What Does It Mean When a Girl Calls You a Teddy Bear?
- What Does <3 Mean From a Girl? (13 Things You Need To Know)
- 7 Scientific Reasons Women Love Fat Guys (Explained)
- Why Do Guys Have Side Chicks? (Ultimate Guide for Girls)
Source
Frontiers in Psychology (Research Article)
The American Journal of Family Therapy (Co-authored by the author of this article)
