As a former relationship coach and current relationship writer, I know one thing for sure: marriage is wonderful but it is not always easy.
Does marriage get boring?
Marriage can get boring but it doesn’t have to stay boring. Marriage gets boring when life gets busy or both partners lose focus on each other. Most marriages ebb and flow with excitement over the years. Couples can rekindle excitement by refocusing on each other and dating again.
In this article, you’ll learn seven things you need to know about marriage and boredom.
Do All Couples Get Bored, Eventually?
The easy answer is “yes.”
The better answer is a little bit deeper. All things (life itself) get boring if we let ourselves get bored with them. That goes for relationships, too. Relationships don’t really get boring. We get boring and then we blame the relationship—or each other.
Odds are, if you start dating other people, you would suddenly not be so boring anymore.
Same with your partner. They are not boring. You are not boring. Both of you unconsciously gave each other (and yourselves) permission to be boring.
Over time, relationships go through stages, starting with the heart-thumping, starry-eyed, honeymoon phase. Then the energy levels out and becomes more sustainable for the long haul (some people consider this boring).
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
If both people in the relationship are committed to keeping things interesting, then the relationship can stay fresh and exciting almost indefinitely.
The key is to not take each other for granted and to always be willing to try new things. If both parties are open to change and growth, then a relationship can remain exciting and fulfilling for a lifetime.
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It’s been almost three years since my first marriage ended.
I was married for fifteen years and we had two kids together. My ex-wife and I were so focused on work, kids, and life that we let the relationship slide for years. By the time we decided to get divorced, we were basically roommates who happened to be married. We went through the motions of being husband and wife but we weren’t really in love anymore.
After the divorce, I was determined to not let that happen again.
I met my current (and forever) wife a year after my divorce was final. We got married three years later and life has been very good.
We make sure to keep the spark alive by going on dates, taking weekends away without the kids, and just generally making an effort to not take each other for granted.
It’s not always easy but it’s worth it.
So, does life get boring after marriage? It can if you let it but it doesn’t have to be that way. You just have to make an effort to keep things interesting.
Is Boredom In Marriage Normal?
It’s normal to feel bored in your marriage from time to time. In fact, it’s pretty common.
But that doesn’t mean it feels good or is good long-term. Boredom in marriage can lead to all kinds of problems, like cheating, resentment, and even divorce.
It’s also important to remember that marriages go through different phases.
In the early days, everything is new and exciting, and there’s an undeniable sense of passion. But as time goes on, it’s normal for the initial excitement to fade a bit.
Life gets in the way, and couples settle into a routine. In other words, temporary boredom is normal in marriage.
But there are ways to deal with it.
Before we jump into that boredom-busting strategies, here are the signs that your marriage is getting boring.
Signs of a Boring Marriage
If you see these signs, your marriage might be headed for the boring bus (if you haven’t already reached your destination).
Watch out for these boring marriage signs:
- You can’t remember the last time you had a good belly laugh together.
- You have nothing new to say to each other.
- Dinner has become a silently eaten affair in front of the television.
- Date night is Netflix without the chill.
- There’s no more physical affection or intimacy (nor any desire for it).
- Your conversations revolve around the kids, work, and household chores—and not in a fun or interesting way.
- You don’t miss each other when you’re apart.
- You find yourself daydreaming about being with someone else—anyone else!
- You can’t remember why you got married in the first place.
- You don’t fight about anything (even the big things).
- You don’t have any hobbies or interests outside of the marriage.
- You sleep more often.
- You go to bed at different times than your spouse.
- You both spend more time on your phones or other devices.
- You start working later (without a good reason, such as a temporary higher workload).
- You feel like you are just going through the motions.
- Your spouse seems more like a roommate than a romantic partner.
- You stop eating healthy and working out.
- You never care how you look in front of your spouse.
What Causes Boredom in Marriage? (10 Factors)
There are 10 things that might cause boredom in your marriage.
Here are the 10 boredom triggers:
- Lack of intimacy
- Not dating
- Too serious
- Focus on work
- Focus on kids
- Natural relationship changes
- Too much predictability
- Lack of communication
- Unresolved conflict
These 10 factors can be summed up as losing focus, lack of communication, and not enough novelty.
Over time, it’s easy to lose focus and let the spark die down.
Suddenly, date night becomes just another item on the to-do list, and spontaneous adventures become a thing of the past. Before long, marriage can start to feel pretty boring.
One of the main reasons why marriage gets boring is because we stop doing the things that made us fall in love in the first place.
We get comfortable with each other and stop putting in the effort to keep the romance alive.
We take each other for granted. Heck, we take the relationship for granted. We shift focus to other things, like growing our business or finishing school.
When you’re in a relationship for a while, it’s easy to stop communicating about the big and little parts of your day.
But when you stop sharing those details, it’s like an intimacy drift that can lead to a communication blackhole. And that’s when marriage gets boring.
It’s not that you don’t love each other anymore, you just don’t have anything to talk about.
Lack of communication leads to disconnection and disconnection inevitably leads to boredom.
Novelty No More
When couples stop doing new and exciting things together, they are missing out on an important opportunity to grow as a team.
Is it any wonder that going to the same restaurant on the same night to order the same meals every week for five years would, at some point, get old?
Studies have shown that couples who regularly engage in new experiences are more likely to report higher levels of satisfaction with their relationship. Novelty helps to keep us feeling engaged and alive, both mentally and physically.
It’s also a great way to build connections and intimacy with your partner.
Marriage and Boredom Timelines
Believe it or not, there are certain timeframes that predictably lead to marriage boredom. These timelines serve as transitions in your relationship. Marriages that last recognize these transitions and flexibly adapt to them.
You are not alone in your feelings.
Let’s go through these boredom timelines to see if you can relate. Don’t worry: in the very next section, we are going to look at the best ways to eliminate boredom from your relationship forever.
But first, here are the timelines for boredom in marriage.
Bored in Marriage After 1 Year
The first year of marriage can be a whirlwind of high and low emotions.
You got married and may have finally moved in together. You’ve hit your marriage stride after the marriage honeymoon phase from the wedding.
You might be pregnant or have small children.
All of this can mean boredom sets into your marriage. It’s pretty typical and doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with your relationship.
Bored in Marriage After 2 Years
After two years of marriage, you’ve established your routines.
Every day might seem like an endless hamster wheel of sameness:
- Same morning routine
- Same job
- Same nighttime routine
- Rinse and repeat forever
If you feel bored after two years into your marriage, you’ve probably done nothing wrong. But it might be time to make some simple changes to revitalize your relationship.
Bored in Marriage After 7 Years
The 7-year itch is a term that is used to describe the feeling of restlessness or boredom that can occur after being in a relationship for 7 years.
The itch can be caused by a number of factors, including routine, monotony, and a lack of excitement.
For many couples, the 7-year itch is simply a phase that they eventually outgrow. However, for others, it can be a sign that their relationship is in need of some attention.
If you find yourself feeling restless in your relationship, there are a few things you can do to address the issue. First, try to identify the root cause of your discontent.
If it is simply a case of boredom, you may need to spice up your routine or find new ways to connect with your partner.
If there are deeper issues at play, such as unresolved conflict or a lack of intimacy, you will need to put in some effort to work through these problems.
Ultimately, the key to overcoming the 7-year itch is communication.
If you can talk openly with your partner about your feelings, you will be much more likely to find a solution that works for both of you.
Bored in Marriage After 10 Years
Does marriage get boring after 10 years?
Marriage can get boring after 10 years. After a decade with the same person, you might feel like there is nothing left to discover. You might even feel trapped in a relationship that will never change.
The truth is that human beings are dynamic.
You will never learn everything there is to know about yourself or another person—even your spouse.
The trouble is that you’ve probably fallen into some relationship ruts. There may be unresolved emotions, a breakdown in intimacy, or a general lack of intention for romance.
Many people feel bored after 10 years in a relationship.
Bored in Marriage After 25 Years
When you’ve been married to someone for a fourth of a century, it’s easy for boredom to creep into the relationship.
Think of what’s happened in the last 25 years:
- You might have raised kids that are now grown and out of the house
- You might have worked hard to rise in your career
- You might have established deeply rooted routines
If you haven’t taken care to keep boredom at bay, it might have swallowed your entire marriage.
There is still hope, though.
What To Do If You Feel Bored In Your Marriage
Being bored in your marriage is predictable but it’s not permanent.
At least, it doesn’t have to be.
You can rekindle romance and excitement in your relationship—but it takes at least one person in the partnership to decide to do something different, take the relationship by the reins, and make positive moves in the right direction.
Here is what to do if you feel bored in your marriage.
Don’t Give Up
If you feel like your marriage is in a rut, it’s important not to give up.
It may seem like things will never change, but there is always hope. Commit to staying together and working on your relationship, and you may be surprised at how much things can improve.
Of course, it won’t necessarily be easy.
It will take time, effort, and patience. But it is possible to turn things around. If you’re both willing to put in the work, you can create a marriage that is happy, fulfilling, and exciting.
So don’t give up – your marriage is worth fighting for.
Process Any Unexplored Emotions
If you feel like your marriage is stuck in a rut, it may be time to explore any unexplored emotions.
Oftentimes, there are long-term resentments and bitterness that have built up over time, and these can prevent progress in your marriage. Instead of sweeping these emotions under the rug, it’s important to talk about them openly and gently.
Listen to each other, validate each other’s feelings, and take care of each other emotionally.
This way, you can start to move forward in your marriage and create a more fulfilling relationship.
Resolve Old Conflicts
You can inject new energy and excitement into your relationship by resolving old conflicts.
Here are a few examples of old conflicts that you may want to revisit:
- One of you feels like you are always the one who has to initiate affection. This can lead to feelings of rejection and loneliness. Talk about what each of you needs in order to feel desired.
- You have different ideas about how to spend your free time. One of you wants to go out and socialize while the other would prefer to stay home. Try to find a compromise that works for both of you. Freedom and independence are important in a relationship.
- You have different parenting styles. This can cause tension and arguments. Talk about your goals for your children and try to find a middle ground.
Resolving old conflicts can bring new life to your marriage.
Focus on the Three H’s
Coach Corey Wayne often talks about the 3 H’s: Hanging out, having fun, and (I’m paraphrasing here to keep things PG) handling each other’s needs for physical affection.
All three are super important in your marriage.
Odds are, if you feel bored, you’re not getting enough of the three H’s. You’re not hanging out with each other and having fun doing cool things like indoor rock-climbing, kayaking, or throwing axes.
You’re definitely not doing enough of the last H.
My suggestion is to really focus on the 3 H’s for the next 90 days (and beyond). Plan fun dates, hang out with each other, and enjoy being married adults acting like love-struck teenagers again.
Here is a good video about how to fix a boring marriage:
Final Thoughts: Does Marriage Get Boring?
The bottom line is that boredom in a marriage is easy to predict, hard to deal with, and perfectly solvable.
If you need professional help, I’m a huge advocate for counseling and therapy.
Chin up, buttercup. You got this.
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