Asking a nerdy guy out is different than asking out any other type of guy.
How do you ask a nerdy guy out?
Ask a nerdy guy out by learning what he likes, going slow, striking up a conversation in private, making the first move, appealing to his nerdy nature, leading the conversation, charming him with wit and intelligence, and inviting him to do something he enjoys. Avoid being too subtle.
In this article, I’ll go over everything you need to know about asking a nerdy guy out.
How Do You Ask a Nerdy Guy Out? (10 Best Methods That Work)
When asking a nerdy guy out, it’s helpful to follow a proven plan. As a self-proclaimed “nerdy guy” growing up, I have an inside track into the nerdy guy mindset.
I’ve also studied and taught evidence-based relationship skills for 13 years.
Here is a step-by-step plan that completely answers, “How do you ask a nerdy guy out?”
1) Learn His Nerdy Guy Ways
Every nerdy guy is unique. The first step in asking a nerdy guy out is to understand them.
Do your homework. Find out what he is into (What he nerds or geeks out about).
Find out if he is a gamer nerd, roleplaying nerd, math nerd, etc. If you can’t figure it out in person, look online for things he likes.
Get your facts straight so that when you talk to him you can impress him with your knowledge of his favorite nerd thing. Don’t just learn what he likes, but also why he likes it.
His nerdy motivation will help you devise the best way to ask him out.
2) Go Slowly With Nerdy Guys
Nerdy guys get skittish. Don’t move too fast or be too forward. If you do, you might scare a nerdy guy off.
Always keep in mind that nerdy guys often feel insecure, shy, and introverted.
Approach a nerdy guy like you would greet a new cat. Move slowly and show off your friendliness with a smile and open body language (open arms, body facing him, etc).
Don’t surprise him, march right up to him, or catch him off guard.
Before you approach him, smile at him from across the room. Let his nerdy brain relax and feel comfortable with you before you ask him out.
3) Get Him Alone (Without It Seeming Forced)
In the best-case scenario, get him alone. Asking him out in public might give him a panic attack.
Instead, pick a time when the two of you can talk privately.
If you have a college class with him, ask him to borrow a pen or pencil. When he hands it to you, sit next to him. Or approach him when he is alone at lunch or involved in some other solo activity.
The worst thing you can probably do is put him on the spot in front of his peers or co-workers.
4) Strike Up a Casual Conversation
Never start asking nerdy guys out by giving them a direct invitation (like, “Do you want to go on a date?”). Directness is good, but work your way up to it.
First, strike up a casual conversation.
You can do this by approaching nerdy guys with a friendly chat.
Maybe you can get to know him better over the course of a few days or weeks until he feels comfortable with you.
Since you already know so much about him and his interests, talk about those during your conversation. Ask him about his latest Dungeons & Dragons adventure or the last book he’s devoured.
Here are some other sample questions:
- What’s your favorite Star Wars movie and why?
- What’s your favorite Shakespeare play and why?
- Why do you think Star Trek is better than Star Wars?
- Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter and why?
- Marvel or DC? Why?
- Tell me about your favorite video game.
These questions might seem basic, but having a conversation about anything can be difficult for nerdy guys. They’re not the best at small talk. Try to keep asking open-ended questions.
Don’t be afraid to ask nerdy guys questions about themselves.
Just make sure it doesn’t come off as an aggressive interrogation. Ask him a question, listen intently, share how you feel about what he says, and then naturally ask a follow-up question.
5) Appeal to His Nerdy Nature
Display a genuine interest in his hobbies, passions, and nerdy activities. Most nerdy guys don’t get this type of treatment very often.
Just like anyone else, nerdy guys want to share their interests with others.
Give him the gift of attention.
When he talks to you, let him talk about the things that interest him most.
Approach nerdy guys with a sense of awe and wonderment. Treat them like they are special for being so passionate about their nerdy interests (because they are special).
After all, someone who is so interested in something is probably very knowledgeable or talented at it.
6) Lead the Conversation
You’ll need to lead the conversation with a nerdy guy.
If you give the conversational reins to him, he may go off on an endless tangent. He probably won’t realize that you are flirting with him and about to ask him out.
Lead the conversation by directing the topics.
You can also restart the conversation if a certain thread runs dry. Or get things back on track if the nerdy guy strays too far off-topic.
For example, you can say something like:
- “Oh, that’s cool! Did you see The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King?”
- “I just read this really interesting article about how Tolkien and C.S. Lewis influenced society and literature.”
- “I’m really interested in computers, but know nothing about them. What’s your favorite brand and why?”
7) Charm Him With Your Intelligence
Nerdy guys like intelligent girls who are as smart as they are sexy.
Cleverness, wit, and bantering with a nerdy guy is a straight line to his heart. During your chit-chat, charm him with your brain. Be well-read, know your stuff around nerdy topics, and don’t be afraid to make a witty remark.
If you are always smartly dressed in pretty outfits, nerdy guys will take notice.
But they will fall for you faster if your brains match your beauty. Most nerdy guys want both a smart and sexy girlfriend.
Don’t stop your brainy conversations until the nerdy guy is hooked.
He’ll be dreaming about kissing you later on or fantasizing about a date—which is exactly what you want when asking him out.
8) Make the First Move
Once he feels comfortable, it’s up to you to make the first move.
Nerdy guys will almost never take the initiative. They are simply too shy and afraid of rejection.
Therefore, you’ll need to act first.
Start small and slow, building up to the moment when you directly ask him out. Touch his arm or shoulder, give him a hug, or lean in close when listening to him talk.
Make it seem natural but flirtatious. The nerdy guy may pick up on your signals and be ready for you to ask him out.
Even if he doesn’t realize what’s happening, it’ll buffer the impact of your ask.
9) Be Direct and Tell Him Your Feelings
If you like him, go ahead and tell him how you feel.
Many nerds can come off as socially awkward, so it’s best to be direct at this point. You can say, “I like you,” and, “Do you want to grab dinner on Tuesday at 7 pm at The Bistro?”
Be direct, specific, and clear when asking out a nerdy guy.
One good tip is to investigate his availability before asking him out. That way, you can ask him to a specific place at a specific time on a specific date. The more precise and concrete, the better.
Don’t give him too many choices.
Nerdy guys can freeze up when making choices in social situations. If you give him all the specific logistics, he’s more likely to say “yes.”
If you want to ask him out even easier, invite him to an event he might like.
For example, you can invite him to a:
- Roleplaying game convention
- Book signing by his favorite author
- Sci-fi movie
- Chess tournament
- Pokemon league meeting
The nerdy guy will appreciate your thoughtfulness and really want to attend the event.
You can also invite him to something that’s not related to his interests. He’ll probably say yes anyway.
10) Make Sure He Knows That It’s a Date
The last thing you want to do is leave the conversation vague. Give his nerdy brain a break.
After he agrees to the date, exchange numbers, and then text him the details so that you know he has them.
You can even follow up with, “It’s a date!”
It’s probably also helpful to tell him to pick you up, any particular dress code for the date, and to text you sometime before the date. Letting him know what you want and what to expect will relieve his anxious mind.
Don’t be bossy or pushy, just friendly and helpful.
How Do You Ask a Nerdy Guy Out? (Putting It All Together)
We’ve covered a lot of ground, so let’s put it all together.
Introduce yourself, strike up a conversation in private, and get to know him. After making him feel comfortable for a few minutes, make the first move. Ask for his number and make an on-the-spot date.
If you have time, go on the date right then.
Grab lunch, tour the city, take a walk across a walking bridge. Be adventurous, creative, and authentic.
The advantage of following this plan is that you get the guy…without having to act like other girls who may be competing for his attention.
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Girls Make When Asking Out Nerdy Guys
You can’t really talk about how to ask a nerdy guy out without mentioning the mistakes to avoid.
All of the steps in the plan outlined above will not work if you make these mistakes.
The three biggest mistakes girls make when asking nerdy guys out are:
- Being too subtle
- Waiting too long
- Coming on too strong
Any of these mistakes will kill your chances with a nerdy guy.
Don’t Be Too Subtle
Nerdy guys don’t notice flirtation and attraction like other guys.
They are more likely to miss the cues and fail to pick up on your signals.
If you don’t want him to think it’s a joke or only friendliness, don’t be too subtle. Be direct instead of coy or vague about asking him out.
Don’t Wait Too Long
Nerdy guys move at a slower pace than most other guys.
They will wait forever to make up their mind. If you let them, they will wait until it’s too late.
On the flip side, don’t wait until the last minute before asking a nerdy guy out.
Give him enough time to respond without feeling overly surprised and stressed out.
Don’t Come On Too Strong
Many nerdy guys don’t like it when girls are too assertive or aggressive.
They don’t want to feel pressured into going out with you or doing something they don’t want to do. If you come on too strong, you’ll intimidate him.
You might even scare him off—which is counterproductive to your goal of asking him out.
Be cool, be relaxed, and most of all…be yourself!
If he likes you, he will love that you asked him out. However, remember that not every nerdy guy is going to like every girl.
Here is a good video about how to know if a nerdy guy likes you:
Final Thoughts: How Do You Ask a Nerdy Guy Out?
If you want one final piece of advice from a former “nerdy” guy, I’d say be authentic. Nerdy guys like girls who freely express themselves in all their dorkiness, goofiness, and playfulness (even good girls who can twerk).
When you approach a nerdy guy with comfort in yourself, you’ll make him feel comfortable, too.