I know firsthand how frustrating and confusing it can be to date a girl who is terrified to open her heart and get serious.
Here’s how to date a girl who is afraid of commitment:
Date a girl who is afraid of commitment by not rushing her, letting her manage the pace of the relationship, and taking things casually with her. You can also talk about her concerns, focus on having fun, and be prepared for her to suddenly bail or ghost on you.
In this article, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to date a girl who is afraid of commitment.
13 Best Tips for Dating a Girl Who Is Afraid of Commitment
Dating can be hard enough as it is, but throw in a girl with commitment issues and your dating prospects shoot up to near impossible.
But before you do, hear me out.
While dating a girl with commitment issues may seem daunting at first, there are some ways to navigate the situation.
Here are my 13 best tips for how to date a girl with commitment issues.
1) Don’t Try To Tie Her Down
Trying to tie a commitment-phobe down is like trying to catch a cloud. It’s impossible.
And even if you somehow manage to do it, the cloud will quickly dissipate and you’ll be left with nothing but empty air.
If you’ve been in relationships where your partner has tried to pressure me into declaring your love for them or committing to a future together, you know that it almost always backfires brilliantly.
The more you try to push, the more they pull away.
It’s not that they don’t care for you, or that they don’t see a future together.
They’re just not ready to make that commitment yet. And no amount of pressure is going to change that.
2) Take Things Casually
The best way to deal with a girl who is afraid of commitment is to take things casually.
Don’t get too attached, and don’t expect too much from the relationship.
Just enjoy spending time with each other and see where things go. After all, there’s no rush; you can always take things to the next level down the road.
Of course, that’s not to say that you should be a doormat.
If she’s constantly flaking on plans or playing hot and cold, it’s probably not worth your time.
3) Be Prepared for Her to Bail
If you’re the type of person who likes to plan things out and know what to expect in the future, then dating a girl who’s afraid of commitment probably isn’t the best idea.
Here are a few things you can expect if you find yourself in this unfortunate situation.
First, she’s going to bail on you…a lot.
Whether it’s plans for next weekend or even just deciding what to eat for lunch, she’s always going to have one foot out the door, just in case she needs to make a quick getaway.
She might not return your text or calls for days.
And when things start getting serious, she’s probably going to run away faster than her legs can carry her.
4) Talk About Her Concerns
If you’re dating a girl who’s afraid of commitment, it’s likely because she’s been burned in the past.
She needs a little more assurance than other women you’ve dated.
Here are some things you can say to reassure her:
- I’m not going anywhere without good reason.
- There’s no rush.
- The last thing I want to do is pressure you.
- I realize that you might need a lot of space and time. I’m ok with that.
- I promise to never pressure you into anything you’re not ready for.
- Commitment doesn’t have to be all or nothing – we can take things at our own pace.
- I know you’re scared, but I’m right here with you.
5) Focus on Having Fun
How to date a girl who is afraid of commitment?
Focus on enjoying spending time with her.
Avoid deep and serious subjects for the most part, and try to keep things light and fun.
Create positive energy. This means being upbeat and positive and avoiding anything that might bring down the mood.
Don’t talk about anything that might trigger her commitment phobia.
This means steering clear of topics like marriage, kids, and long-term plans. If you can do these things, you’ll have a much better chance of keeping your relationship afloat.
6) Be Patient
Dating a girl who is afraid of commitment can be frustrating.
Just when you think you’re making progress, she pulls back. But if you’re patient and understand her fears, you may be able to slowly build a potential relationship.
The key is to take things slow and let her get to know you.
As she becomes more comfortable with the idea of a committed relationship, she may eventually come around.
7) Let Her Manage the Pace
Let her take the lead.
That means she should be the one reaching out most of the time in between scheduled dates.
She should be the one bringing up spending more time together and topics like exclusivity. In other words, you need to let her set the pace of the relationship.
It may not be what you want, but it’s a good approach for a commitment-phobe.
8) Don’t Try To Change Her
Trying to change a girl’s mind about commitment is a losing battle. It’s just not going to happen.
The best thing you can do is let her be herself.
When learning how to date a girl who is afraid of commitment, that can be super hard to do.
But it’s essential.
If she’s afraid of commitment, that’s OK. It doesn’t mean she’s not a great catch. It just means that she’s not ready for a serious relationship right now.
And that’s OK.
Change must be internally motivated. If she changes for you, it’s not going to last.
She’ll more than likely revert back to her old ways before long. Just enjoy the ride and let her come around in her own time.
9) Match Her Dating Roster
If she’s talking to multiple people, you should be, too.
If she only wants to date you, then you can choose to only focus on her as well. What you don’t want to do is to only date her when she’s out there dating every Chad and Tyrone in the metro area.
Doing that is a recipe for needy and jealous behavior.
And I probably don’t need to tell you that being clingy will send her packing her bags faster than you can say, “Who’s the guy liking all of your Instagram pics?”
By dating other people, you’ll be less likely to chase her away because she knows that you are not overly invested.
10) Appreciate and Praise Small Steps
A relationship with someone who isn’t ready to commit often feels like you’re chasing your tail.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get them to move forward.
However, there is one thing you can do that may help to nudge them in the right direction: when they make small steps towards commitment, be sure to acknowledge and appreciate them.
This positive reinforcement can help them to feel more confident in their ability to commit.
Over time, may help them to take even bigger steps.
Therefore, when your commitment-phobe partner makes a small gesture, don’t let it go unnoticed – let them know that you see and appreciate their efforts.
It could be the thing that finally helps them take the leap.
11) Accept That Progress Is Not Always Linear
As anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship knows, progress is never linear.
There are always rises and falls, winding grooves and gullies.
Sometimes you move forward only to backtrack a few steps. Other times you may find yourself taking a detour altogether.
This is particularly true when it comes to dating a woman who is terrified of commitment.
You may have to accept that there will be times when she takes a step back or reverses course entirely.
It’s important not to take it personally and to remember that her fear is ultimately about herself, not about you.
If you can be patient and understanding, you may find that she eventually comes around and that your relationship can blossom into something beautiful.
12) Grow Her Trust in You
A lot of the time, when we’re afraid to commit, it’s because we don’t trust the person we’re with.
They might say one thing and do another or break their promises.
We want to be sure that they’re really going to stick around before we open up fully. If you’re in a relationship with someone who’s afraid to commit, know that it’s not personal.
They just need some time to build trust with you.
The best way to do that is by being honest and transparent with your words and actions.
Keep your promises, and show up when you say you will. Over time, she’ll start to see that she can rely on you, and her fear of commitment may evaporate like summer rain.
13) Prioritize Your Happiness
It can be tough to navigate the waters of dating when you’re looking for a long-term, committed relationship but your partner is afraid of going exclusive or putting labels on your romance.
In this situation, you may find yourself feeling unhappy more often than not.
If that’s the case, it’s important to remember that your happiness should always be a priority.
That might mean closing the door on your romantic interest in her, dating someone else, or taking a pause from dating altogether.
Making a change for yourself is always worth it if it means finding lasting happiness.
Here is a good video about how to date a girl who is afraid of commitment:
What Does It Mean When a Girl Says She’s Afraid of Commitment?
There are a few different things that a girl might mean when she says she’s afraid of commitment.
Here are some of the main meanings:
- She’s reeling from past pain. One possibility is that she’s been hurt in the past and is now afraid of getting close to anyone again. She may be worried that if she lets herself get too close, she’ll end up getting hurt again.
- She’s not ready for a serious relationship. She may be focusing on her career or enjoying the single life and not ready to settle down just yet. She might have just broken up with a long-time boyfriend, be moving soon, or just want to enjoy being single and free.
- She has other priorities. There could also be something else going on in her life that’s taking up her time and energy, and she doesn’t feel like she has anything left over for a relationship. She’s “afraid” that getting into a serious relationship might jeopardize these other things.
- She’s just not that into you. If she’s not feeling a strong connection, she may not be willing to commit to you.
The most likely interpretation (and the one I would assume without any other information) is that her trust in relationships has taken a hit.
She needs time to heal and trust potential partners again.
What To Say To a Girl Who Is Afraid of Commitment
It can be tricky to know what to say to a girl who is afraid of commitment.
After all, nobody wants to say the wrong thing and end up pushing her away. However, there are a few key things that you can say to build trust, convince her that you’re not like other guys, and let her know that you’re serious about a relationship.
Here are 12 examples of what to say to a girl who is afraid of commitment:
- I’m not asking you to marry me, I just want to go on a date with you.
- I’ll be patient, I promise.
- You’re worth the risk.
- I’m not like other guys, I really like you and I want to get to know you better.
- I’m not just looking for something casual and fun. I really want something long-term and meaningful.
- I know you’ve been hurt before, and I promise that I’ll never do anything to intentionally hurt or upset you.
- I know it might seem like I’m moving fast. We can go at any pace that feels comfortable to you.
- I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to work hard at this relationship and build something amazing with you.
- I know it’s scary letting yourself get close to someone again. You won’t regret taking this chance on me.
- Thank you for opening up to me and sharing your feelings with me. It means a lot.
- I know this is new and scary, but we’ll face it together. You’re not alone in this.
- We don’t have to rush into anything – let’s just take things one day at a time and see where it goes from there
Should I Date A Girl With Commitment Issues?
If you’re the type of person who likes to be in a relationship, it’s best to steer clear of girls who are afraid of commitment.
These girls will often give you mixed signals, leading you on and then pulling away when things start to get too serious.
They’ll make excuses for why they can’t commit, and they’ll string you along until they find someone else who they think is a better match. In other words, they might waste your time and leave you feeling frustrated.
On the other hand, if you just want to date casually, go for it.
Just don’t get your hopes and expectations up.
Final Thoughts: How To Date a Girl Who Is Afraid of Commitment
Ultimately, it’s going to be a challenge.
But, if you like the woman, then it may just be worth all the effort in the end. Along the way, you may run into other challenges like if she’s dating multiple guys or if you don’t have much money.
That’s where the articles below can help.
Read These Articles Next:
- How To Date a Girl Who Just Broke Up (13 Things To Know)
- How To Date a Girl Who Is Dating Multiple Guys (20 Top Tips)
- How To Date With No Money (+175 Fun and Free Date Ideas)
- Should I Date a Girl With Tattoos? (15 Must-Know Facts)
Here are some good resources for learning how to date a girl who is afraid of commitment:
National Institute of Health (Research on Commitment and Attachments)
ResearchGate (Research on the Fear of Commitment)